If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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