I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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