the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
