I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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