In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
