you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize