there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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