he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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