he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
