Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
