It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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