the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
