So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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