She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
