Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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