just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
