there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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