Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
