New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
