after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize