I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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