Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
