Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I had to cum in my sink.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
