nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
