if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You ate ashes out of my bong
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
