Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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