if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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