respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize