I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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