I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The adults are the big ones right?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
