): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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