When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
