The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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