You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
