i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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