Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
