I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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