Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
