I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
