I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
