billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My balls are so social today.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
