I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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