the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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