we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
