Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
