so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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