Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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