There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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