Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
