Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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