My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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