I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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