I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
