I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
