Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
