If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize