Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
