please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
