booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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