No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
