i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize