put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
