He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
