Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
