I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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