She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize