I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
