Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
