You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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