What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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