I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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