I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
