Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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