Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
