It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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